Sophomore Mugged By Ninja and Tiger

BACK ALLEY, MINNEAPOLIS - Area Student Carlos Gonzalez had just finished work downtown around 10 o'clock last night when his walk home to the Carlson Dormitory was interrupted by a shower of shurikens expertly trapping him in his own clothes against a brick wall in the back alley between the North Central cafeteria and T.J. Jones Library. According to Gonzalez, the terrifying roar of a jungle cat was heard reverberating between the buildings and a moment later, out of the mist appeared a glorious white tiger and upon his back, a Ninja clad all in black.

IMAGES: Police sketches of assailants

"He told me I was a worthy opponent, bowed, then removed my wallet by deftly manuevering his katana into my back pocket," Gonzalez said to police last night. Badly shaken and immobile, Gonzalez was forced to watch as the muggers dug through his belongings. Removing the $8 dollars in cash first, then mocking him for the picture on his driver's license. "It was mortifying," the Sophomore added, "they even took my Blockbuster card... my Blockbuster card!" It wasn't until the tiger threatened a mauling that Gonzalez finally gave up his Timex wrist watch.

According to witnesses in the Carlson dorm who first heard the initial roar, the alley was so thick with smoke it was impossible to see the muggers. Police assume the attackers were using a type of smoke screen device to cover their escape, or some sort of black magic.

"It's a shame a student can't walk home from work in this city without being afraid of big cats and masters of the dark martial arts." A representative from North Central University said this morning. "Just last month they finally arrested the graffiti Pirate [cause of the infamous "R"s spraypainted on bus stops and highway overhangs across the city]. It just seems like students can't get a break." Fortunately, Gonzalez escaped with little more then a headache, ripped clothes, and a good story.

Police are still searching for a male caucasian tiger approximately 9'6'' long 460 lbs and a wild ninja approximately 5'11'' weighing 175 lbs and carrying nunchaku. They may or may not be disguising themselves as a circus act to avoid detection. - Woodward